Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
