wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
