A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
