meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
