when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
