Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
