Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
