We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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