I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
