Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Everything about him screamed your future.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
