Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We were destined to go to rehab together
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
