You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
