I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
