If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
