can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
