We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
