you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
