then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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