I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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