I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
