a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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