Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
