i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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