Non-Jews are for practice
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
