i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
