Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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