Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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