I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
