Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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