oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
