i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
