He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
