Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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