I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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