You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
