this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
