well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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