Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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