3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
