i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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