dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
