Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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