I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I understand Curling. That high.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I yelled at your uterus for you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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