You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
