Sry I called you an 8
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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