I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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