I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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