He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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