Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
