well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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